No Albi...

As I was walking abouts in Cameron Village today, I realized something. I realized that I am way to ugly and untrendy to be shopping in Cameron Village. It is a gorgeous day today in my fair city and the shoppers and diners in the Village are dressed to impress. Sexy lil’ skirts for the ladies and oxford shirts with the sleeves rolled up (it says, “I am all about business and my business is giving you the business and business is gooooooood.”). I am wearing my work clothes, which consists of a ratty old pair of brown shorts and a Buccaneers T-shirt. I felt out of place. It made me think of places that you really never see attractive people. And if you do, then you think there must be something wrong with them. Here some place I thought of:

FAST FOOD JOINTS: Specifically McDonald’s and Burger King. You get them at Wendy’s, but I really don’t know why. I understand why you don’t see attractive people here. It is greasy food that will make you even more so ugly and fat. Also, as a rule of thumb attractive people usually have a bit more money and can afford to eat someplace else. I also am willing to bet they do not cut out Burger King coupons and keep them in their wallet like a fast food junkie condom. Not that I do that. I put them in my money clip.

THE BUS: This goes back to the previous statement about money, kind of. I rode the bus this summer when gas price when up to Chinese baby prices. It really sucked. I had to leave an hour earlier than usual. I had less time for grooming and it really showed. I never once showed to work without at minimum of a 5 o’clock shadow. However, I still managed to look a bit better than my bus mates. I pray the price of oil keeps tumbling, because I do not want to go back to that pee-pee soaked heck hole.

THE PUBLIC LIBRARY: This goes back to the money situation as well. I remember tell a friend, who is attractive, about a book I had just read. She responded by saying that she’d go out and buy it. I inquired why not just borrow it from the library or buy it used (Whaddup, Nice Price Books). She said she doesn’t like having to worry about other people’s notes and dog-ears. She likes to do them herself. I though that was part of the benefit of used books. That is what they said about all those textbooks from college. I find the penis that was drawn on page 42 of Waiting for the Barbarians was most beneficial to me understanding humans and their appetite for cruelty to their fellow man.

FOOD LION: Again, money is a big key to why I never see any hot pieces of sexiness at Food Lion. If you go to Harris Teeter on a Sunday night, then you’ll see it is like Melrose Place in there. Now, not all Food Lions are full of ugly folks. The one down Avent Ferry Rd. usually has some good-looking colleges kids in there. However, the Food Lion off of Method Road will cancel even the bubbliest of college chicks out. It is a filthy store and no one in there is even speaking English. They are not just speaking Spanish, too. It sounds as though they are speaking in tongues. It is like walking through an outdoor market in Calcutta. I half expect some one to be bleeding a goat when I get out of the cereal aisle. I usually wash my hands in boiling water when I get home.