No Albi...

As I was walking abouts in Cameron Village today, I realized something. I realized that I am way to ugly and untrendy to be shopping in Cameron Village. It is a gorgeous day today in my fair city and the shoppers and diners in the Village are dressed to impress. Sexy lil’ skirts for the ladies and oxford shirts with the sleeves rolled up (it says, “I am all about business and my business is giving you the business and business is gooooooood.”). I am wearing my work clothes, which consists of a ratty old pair of brown shorts and a Buccaneers T-shirt. I felt out of place. It made me think of places that you really never see attractive people. And if you do, then you think there must be something wrong with them. Here some place I thought of:

FAST FOOD JOINTS: Specifically McDonald’s and Burger King. You get them at Wendy’s, but I really don’t know why. I understand why you don’t see attractive people here. It is greasy food that will make you even more so ugly and fat. Also, as a rule of thumb attractive people usually have a bit more money and can afford to eat someplace else. I also am willing to bet they do not cut out Burger King coupons and keep them in their wallet like a fast food junkie condom. Not that I do that. I put them in my money clip.

THE BUS: This goes back to the previous statement about money, kind of. I rode the bus this summer when gas price when up to Chinese baby prices. It really sucked. I had to leave an hour earlier than usual. I had less time for grooming and it really showed. I never once showed to work without at minimum of a 5 o’clock shadow. However, I still managed to look a bit better than my bus mates. I pray the price of oil keeps tumbling, because I do not want to go back to that pee-pee soaked heck hole.

THE PUBLIC LIBRARY: This goes back to the money situation as well. I remember tell a friend, who is attractive, about a book I had just read. She responded by saying that she’d go out and buy it. I inquired why not just borrow it from the library or buy it used (Whaddup, Nice Price Books). She said she doesn’t like having to worry about other people’s notes and dog-ears. She likes to do them herself. I though that was part of the benefit of used books. That is what they said about all those textbooks from college. I find the penis that was drawn on page 42 of Waiting for the Barbarians was most beneficial to me understanding humans and their appetite for cruelty to their fellow man.

FOOD LION: Again, money is a big key to why I never see any hot pieces of sexiness at Food Lion. If you go to Harris Teeter on a Sunday night, then you’ll see it is like Melrose Place in there. Now, not all Food Lions are full of ugly folks. The one down Avent Ferry Rd. usually has some good-looking colleges kids in there. However, the Food Lion off of Method Road will cancel even the bubbliest of college chicks out. It is a filthy store and no one in there is even speaking English. They are not just speaking Spanish, too. It sounds as though they are speaking in tongues. It is like walking through an outdoor market in Calcutta. I half expect some one to be bleeding a goat when I get out of the cereal aisle. I usually wash my hands in boiling water when I get home.

An Outer View of My Interview...

I had an interview for a job yesterday. I won't say where, but it is not my dream job. My dream job is to be a manager of a company that test to see how drunk you can get on certain beers. A goon can dream, can't he? It is a fairly basic job, so the interview was fairly basic. They gave me a list of questions to answer. One of them was about what my reaction would be to seeing a co-worker using my coffee mug to water the plants. Then, after asking them to use something else, you see them do it again. My answer was that I would just take my coffee mug home. This was probably not the best answer as it pegs me as being passive aggressive, when we all know I am aggressive aggressive. In a perfect world I would've written:

Why the hell would I care that some chick (like a dude would water plants) is using my mug to water plants? It just water. Also, I don't even drink coffee. I chug Mountain Dew to get me going. Now if that bitch touch a can of Mountain Dew to give to those fucking plants, then you best to buh-lieve that it is on like Susan Sarandon!

But, I really need this job, so I just kept my answer and moved on.

Now that is what I call a "Full House"

As I was doing some research on how to properly spell Dave Coulier's name (Don't ask) I came across this picture of Jodie Sweetin. While all the world care about is the Olsen Sister, this girl has been out there battling meth, getting pregnant, getting divorced, and looking ridiculously hot at the opening of something called the "Pink Taco". I am not sure what that is, but it sounds like I want to be apart of it. Keep it up, Jodie.

Search Me

I have been going over a lengthy list of search engine keywords on how people come to Wake County Militia. My biggest hit come from people punching in "panda" with nearly three hits. However, there are some more interesting ones. "Militia sluts" might be my favorite. Just because that guy look for it, I am going to have to do a post on militia sluts. It should be a good 'un.

How ya feelin', Rochester?

iTalk about iTunes...

Here is a fun lil’ one to play with your iTunes with. Go on and organize your iTunes by number of plays. If you are like me (and if you are like me, then I weep for you), then you have never reset your play counter. These ar your top 25. Fuck Billboard! I SAID FUCK BILLBOARD! DO IT! So here is Rochester’s Top 25 with their play counts:

25. Too Young – Phoenix (37 PLAYS)

24. Fat Not Flat – Juan Huevos (38 PLAYS)

23. Huddle Formation – The Go! Team (38 PLAYS)

22. My Dick – Mickey Avalon (39 PLAYS)

21. Patty Lee – Les Savy Fav (39 PLAYS)

20. Mer De Japon – Air (39 PLAYS)

19. Stanley Kubrick – R.A. The Rugged Man (40 PLAYS)

18. What Would Wolves Do? – Les Savy Fav (40 PLAYS)

17. Hong Kong Garden – Siouxsie & The Banshees (42 PLAYS)

16. Look At This Face – Handsome Boy Modeling School (42 PLAYS)

15. Will You Return? – The Avett Bros. (42 PLAYS)

14. Spit Boxers – Thirstin’ Howl III (43 PLAYS)

13. Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (43 PLAYS)

12. Little Eyes – Yo La Tengo (44 PLAYS)

11. Incest – Juan Huevos (44 PLAYS)

10. Someone Great – LCD Soundsystem (46 PLAYS)

9. Martin Scorsese – King Missile (48 PLAYS)

8. The W.A.N.D. – The Flaming Lips (49 PLAYS)

7. Fuck The Pain Away – Peaches (50 PLAYS)

6. The City (EV Remix) – The Dismemberment Plan (51 PLAYS)

5. No Cars Go – The Arcade Fire (51 PLAYS)

4. Dre Day – Dr. Dre (52 PLAYS)

3. Slugs in the Shrubs – Les Savy Fav (57 PLAYS)

2. This Must Be The Place – Talking Heads (58 PLAYS)

1. Nu Autobahn – Future Islands (104 PLAYS)

You know how you are always saying we don’t do things together? Which you know is a lie, because we went to Denny’s like twice last week. That’s something. Well, why don’t you go on and do this? Come on, how hard can it be?

Craigslist? More Like Rochesterlist

So, I am perusing the latest want ad on craigslist today and come across this. I was shocked. I didn't realize I had put his thing up. I mean, I just lost one of my jobs so how could I pay them $400 to pose for my "catalog"? Most of the clothes in this catalog I am sure are cut-off shorts and baby girl track shorts. Also, to emphasize the clothes I am willing to bet that they need to rub salad dressing on there legs, for the clothes, of course.