...always a douchebag. As some of may know, I went to high school with one of the biggest losers. No, I don't mean loser as in "Man, Rochester what's with all the Barbie dolls in their original packaging? You are the biggest loser."
(Ed. Note: I can believe a hooker would say such a thing.) I mean, she is a
contestant on "
The Biggest Loser". Anyhow after
pod casting over at Buddy Randolph's, I went to
the Crunkleton to watch it with a friend. I did not know that it was going to be an impromptu high school reunion. I stayed in the back and tried to fly under the radar, but this did not work. Can't a giant red-head with a beard hide anymore? This guy, let's call him Josh V. No, that doesn't work. Let's call him J. VanDerPuy. No, that's too vague. Josh VanDerPuy was the dude's name. I was not friends, associate, or acquaintances with this dude. Last time we even spoke to each other was when he kicked my in the back of my calf for not reason during soccer practice in the 4th grade. I don't hold grudge though, because I don't even remember that little shit who stole my green Voltron action figure in the 2nd grade. YOU CAN HIDE FOREVER, MOTHER FUCKER!
Any who, Josh is handing out superfluous high five and comes to me. I try to leave him hanging, but my momma didn't raise me like that. Here is the chit-chat:
- JOSH: You live here?
- ROCHESTER: No, I live in Raleigh.
- JOSH: Same thing.
- ROCHESTER: (fire fills eyes) What did you say?
- JOSH: It's the same thing. Just like here and Asheville.
- ROCHESTER: Start running.
Okay so the last part didn't happen, but the other parts are true. What in the world is this shovelfuck talking about? Raleigh is the same as Chapel Hill? Or Asheville? Okay, so it might be a little similar to Asheville, but not the great City of Oaks. I had nothing but murderous rage in my heart when I heard such a statement. I really hope it is another 20 years until we talk again, VanDerPuy. And we wonder why I hate the Dutch.
4 comments:
"start running" - exactly
Chapel Hill is to Raleigh, as O'Douls is to Maker's Mark.
The former is weak of constitution, lacking in flavor, and won't get you laid. The latter is strong of constitution, full of rich flavor, and will render you unable to lay. 'CAUSE YOU ROCKIN TOO HARD!! YEEAH!!
More clarification:
Homeless people in Raleigh are called "bums"
Homeless people in Asheville are called "campers"
Homeless people in Chapel Hill are called "alumni"
You know, I'd initially posted a response, but then I deleted it, deciding, "Hey, man, don't play that game. You're not the one with the inferiority complex."
Keep your chins up, Rochester and Samuel. Or should I say Napoleon and Napoleon.
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