iTalk about iTunes...

Here is a fun lil’ one to play with your iTunes with. Go on and organize your iTunes by number of plays. If you are like me (and if you are like me, then I weep for you), then you have never reset your play counter. These ar your top 25. Fuck Billboard! I SAID FUCK BILLBOARD! DO IT! So here is Rochester’s Top 25 with their play counts:

25. Too Young – Phoenix (37 PLAYS)

24. Fat Not Flat – Juan Huevos (38 PLAYS)

23. Huddle Formation – The Go! Team (38 PLAYS)

22. My Dick – Mickey Avalon (39 PLAYS)

21. Patty Lee – Les Savy Fav (39 PLAYS)

20. Mer De Japon – Air (39 PLAYS)

19. Stanley Kubrick – R.A. The Rugged Man (40 PLAYS)

18. What Would Wolves Do? – Les Savy Fav (40 PLAYS)

17. Hong Kong Garden – Siouxsie & The Banshees (42 PLAYS)

16. Look At This Face – Handsome Boy Modeling School (42 PLAYS)

15. Will You Return? – The Avett Bros. (42 PLAYS)

14. Spit Boxers – Thirstin’ Howl III (43 PLAYS)

13. Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (43 PLAYS)

12. Little Eyes – Yo La Tengo (44 PLAYS)

11. Incest – Juan Huevos (44 PLAYS)

10. Someone Great – LCD Soundsystem (46 PLAYS)

9. Martin Scorsese – King Missile (48 PLAYS)

8. The W.A.N.D. – The Flaming Lips (49 PLAYS)

7. Fuck The Pain Away – Peaches (50 PLAYS)

6. The City (EV Remix) – The Dismemberment Plan (51 PLAYS)

5. No Cars Go – The Arcade Fire (51 PLAYS)

4. Dre Day – Dr. Dre (52 PLAYS)

3. Slugs in the Shrubs – Les Savy Fav (57 PLAYS)

2. This Must Be The Place – Talking Heads (58 PLAYS)

1. Nu Autobahn – Future Islands (104 PLAYS)

You know how you are always saying we don’t do things together? Which you know is a lie, because we went to Denny’s like twice last week. That’s something. Well, why don’t you go on and do this? Come on, how hard can it be?

Craigslist? More Like Rochesterlist

So, I am perusing the latest want ad on craigslist today and come across this. I was shocked. I didn't realize I had put his thing up. I mean, I just lost one of my jobs so how could I pay them $400 to pose for my "catalog"? Most of the clothes in this catalog I am sure are cut-off shorts and baby girl track shorts. Also, to emphasize the clothes I am willing to bet that they need to rub salad dressing on there legs, for the clothes, of course.

Our economy is a joke...

There is nothing I love more that all those commercials that make light of the fact that our economy sucks lawn jockeys. Oh, our dollar isn't worth shit. That's for reminding me McDonald's. Gas is so expensive. Ha! Ha! Good one, Crossroads Ford. I mean, it offends me as a smart ass and as an American. Let me try it out on this story. (Ed. Note: If you have a job in the state of Michigan, then it must be as a unicorn. Jesus!)

*cough* *ahem* Well, at least when they go home after be laid off they get rest up in their hot tubs. Thank you. Please remember to tip your waitress and I'll be at Colonel Ha-ha in Akron next week. Good night every body.

Life imitates Art

As some of you might have read, I am not really doing so hot mentally. Things have not really been going my way and I spent a little Rochester time today thinking about things. I decided to rely fictional characters that resemble me in some way, because I do not want any of you in my head. And you probably do not want to be in there either (Ed. Note: There is a lot of porn and a lot of Simpson quotes. After that, it gets kind of scary.) Here is a short list:

1. Daniel Plainview: Now, I don't think I will ever kill a false prophet in my basement bowling alley after making him renounce God. I do kind of a agree with a handful of Plainview's ideas. "There are times when I look at people and see nothing worth liking." That is so true. I like only a truly select few people. And most others just piss me off at how stupid and worthless they are or can be. Also, my own mother thought of me when she saw the movie. Thanksgiving should be fun this year.

2. Cartmen: I don't think I am like Cartmen because we are both fat asses. I think I am like Cartmen because he has a group of friends that you cannot ever really figure out why they are friends with him. I sometimes, for the life of me, wonder why on God's green Earth do some people want to hang out with me. J-Bizz gave me this comparison years ago. Both Cartmen and myself would be classified by our scientific name Homo sapien dickheadis majorae.

3. Charlie Kelly: If you have ever watched an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, then you could totally see how I could relate to Charlie. He is the perennial whipping boy of the crew and yet he always seems to get back up again. He may seem like a loser, but I find his resilience refreshing.

Who else are we missing?

Yup, still down and out in Wake County

When my buddy, Big Series, saw Rudy Ray Moore live in Chicago, Rudy Ray came in through the audience. He handed out roses to all the ladies (Ed. note: SMOOTH) and then he gave a certain number of them pins. On those pins it simple read, "This Pussy Belongs To Me". Big Series's girlfriend was one of the lucky ones to get one of those pins. She wore it with pride. I made a promise to myself that I could only be with a woman who would be able to wear a similar pin with pride and glory. I still hold that belief even to this day. Maybe that might be why I now feel like this:

Worst Week Ever?

This is becoming all too familiar to me at this point. Let's recap:

1. Rudy Ray Moore died.


2. Someone decided to step all over my mind and balls (this is all too familiar as well).


3. I am getting two teeth drilled today.


4. I didn't get a job I thought I was a lock for at Yep Roc.


5. I am getting laid off at my temping job. I just have to find another way to get $500 a month now.

How much fucking longer can I do this shit? Not much. This barely makes me feel any better. "No shit, baby"

Still kind of hurts...

I am going to try and put up a different album cover each day this week to remember Rudy Ray Moore. I found $2o and then $5 on the ground yesterday. It should've lifted my spirits. It did not. It was like this song was playing in my head all f#cking day. I just walked around with my head down, kicking acorns and junk. I was feeling really crappy. Then, Evans2Betsy calls to tell me that her new roommate was a Cambodian war refugee. I had no idea and I had been making all sorts of Pol Pot and Khmer Rogue joke for the better part of a couple of weeks. Needless to say, this has been a tough couple of days for me.

Rudy Ray Moore: A Life Remembered

Rudy Ray Moore died today. And anyone who knows me, knows this is a pretty big blow to me and my life. Just the other day I had the tags on my car renewed. They have something to do with Rudy Ray Moore character of Dolemite. The black lady at the DMV muttered under her breath, "What do you know about about Dolemite?" I made a pretty big scene. Going back and forth with movies and quotes. It made the other DMV worker laugh. I then pointed to my belt, in which is inscribed simply "DOLEMITE". They both just laughed their asses off.

Rudy Ray Moore was first introduced to me and my friends back on my 16th birthday. We had the 1st ever Rudy Ray Moore Film Festival. We watched all of his films in a single night. It changed all of our lives and perspectives on things. It was a hell of a thing to do to a group of upper-middle class white kids in the middle of NC. Every year we tried to meet for my birthday and do it all over again. We had roughly 6 film festivals in all. J-Bizz came to some of them and he spread the word of Rudy Ray to his friends in Athens, GA. Once I was hanging out with one of the aforementioned friends who broke out a, "Bitch, are you for real?" I jump up and gave one of the hardest high five I have ever given. I will miss Rudy Ray Moore and I will miss his franchise as well. I hope he is able to keep the angels in line in heaven. And God, remember he don't wear no cotton draws.

Better Know A Brewer

As the Brewers are now down 0-2 against the Phillies. I thought it might be nice for you to meet a Brewer before he goes back to his horrible life of money, slutty women, and playing catch for a living. Meet Seth McClung:

Hey ya'll I am Seth McClung. Old number 73. My teammates call me 'Set-Up Seth'. I like nicknames. I call Prince Fielder, Prince 'In' Fielder, because he is an infielder. I look exactly like Rochester when he was in shape. But not like 'high school' in shape. But like the kind of in shape that if he would just stop drinking so much and eating Hot Pockets in his boxers while watching 'Kate & Allie' and maybe go for a brisk walk or a nice hike. 'Cause I know I got a bit of a gut, but that just comes with age. Oh well, time to go throw 89 mph and prey my shoulder doesn't explode. I hope Rochester is listening.

Suck it, McClung. (Ed. Note: If you read the wiki on McClung it says, "...his nickname 'Big Red' began to stick on account of his stature and pitching command and velocity. Yeah that makes sense. Not because he is a husky red-head. WHO WRITES THAT CRAP?)