Life is Tough...

One of the best lies I have ever told was that when I was younger, roughly toddler aged, I was in a Golden Grahams commercial. And because of my new found fortune I tried unsuccessfully to have myself emancipated from my parents. I lay on a sob story about my father spending the $10K on a 1986 Chevy Camaro Z28 IROC. I have told it once in a bar in Chapel Hill and Chicago. I play the role wonderfully and by the way I read my audience (thanks to training at the Wake Co. Militia camps) I can tell they honestly believe it. Although this lie did not get me laid on either occasion, I feel it has given me an insight on the life of a child star. I read today that Aaron Carter, the crooner who sings such complex ditties as Aaron's Party (Come Get It) and Cowgirl: Lil' Mama, was recently caught smoking pot in the National Enquirer. I find that one's intoxicant, be it booze, drugs, or rubber cement, should be an escape from the hassles of a day-to-day struggle. Since I have been in the mind of a child star, I know it can be tough. However, this kid divorced his parents when he was 13. According to the article, he was still in his pajamas at 2 in the afternoon. Doesn't have to worry about money for the rest of his life, and he is blowing what I make in two and a half months in a "fortnight" on grass. What is his struggle? I don't even see any effing acne on that kids face. He is sleeping in a Florida mansion, driving fancy cars and boats, nailin' any 16-year old he wants, what is he escaping from?! He needs to try and walk a mile in my Nike Air Safari '87s.