Wii.T.F.!

So I am at the mall today. Typical Monday, just leafing through the new cargo shorts at Ambercrombie and Fitch. (BTW Why do they have to play that music so damn loud?) Then, I find myself at any of the 3 video game stores at the mall. I see a box for the new Nintendo Wii. Brand new it is $249. So, my Scottish heritage likes that. It doesn't have any really crazy bells and whistles, no DVD or Bluevein or whatever 3000 keeps rambling on about. What it does have is probably easily the most asinine controller design in the world. It's called the nunchuck and I am willing to bet dollars to donuts, if I buy this thing (which I won't) that it will wind up being smashed into a million pieces on my wall. PLEASE NERDS! Tell me what is up with this thing. I need to know.

1985

There has been a lot of talk about this season's Bears compared to the 1985 Monsters of the Midway. No one wants to admit that this season Bears might be better than the 1985 Chicago Bears. I'll admit that this season's Bears looks real good, but it is week 5. Let's not jump the gun just yet. 1985 was the first year I actually could consciously know that I started watching football. I was living in Indiana and because the Colts sucked and really had only been in Indianapolis for a short time I naturally was more drawn to the Bears. Chicago was my birth city and it was only 2 hours away from where I was. This is how little kids choose teams to root for. I made the big switch the day Tecmo Super Bowl came out and I got 6 sack with Eugene Marve. I have never looked back. What always stuck out was that sweater Ditka wore on the sidelines during that season. It was dressy, yet it screamed, "Oh we gonna make this happen!" at the same time. Well, last night I got my close-out special edition Eastbay catalog and bought this lil' beauty of less than $10. I am gonna look so classy at the Upper Deck this Sunday. I can't wait.

33!

Look who is number 33! Look out Wake!

T.O. is O.K.

So, it is official. As of 4:24 pm yesterday, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are on the clock. The worst part about the 24-21 loss to the Saints yesterday was that the offense for the Bucs looked really good. Gradkowski looked really good. He didn't screw up and Williams rushed for over 100 for the first time all year. Gradkowski is the QB that Gruden really wanted to run with the start the year anyway, so Simms might have to a clipboard to help him cover up that scar where his spleen used to be and the big bruise over his giant ego.
The defense looked old. Real old. I had not seen that many missed tackles and miscues for that defense since the 14 point Colts comeback in 2003. Oh and what cost us the game? A punt return by Reggie Bush for his 1st NFL TD. I mean, he didn't even have to make a move. How many game are we going to have to lose because we have awful special teams before someone finally fires Richard Bisaccia. He has no idea what he is doing or even worse how he is doing it.
With that game over I turned to the game of the week, Eagle v. Cowboys. It actually was a good game. Eagles defense looked scary. Their offense, however, was less than outstanding. What pissed me off (this is what you were all waiting for) was the way the annoucers kept try to put blame on T. O. for the woeful Cowboys offense. Um, no. One, I would never be coming to the defense of T.O. ever again, but no! The Cowboys have an old fart at QB. Just like they did last year. And the year before that. Oh, and the year before that. They haven't infused any youth at the QB position since they dropped a coked-up Quincy Carter quite some time ago. Drew Bledsoe, like a certain other someone in a certain town that rhymes with Green Gay, is done. He threw some balls that would make Chris Simms say, "Wow, that was a really poorly thrown ball." On what seemed like his 9th INT of the game, T.O. game off the line at 3/4 speed go past Lito Shepard and went to full speed. He was open by about 5 yards. Bledsoe threw it 5 yards short of T.O. It was horrible. Aikman starts in on T.O. for not coming of the line at full speed. Huh? He got open in a sea of 3 DB's, who cares how fast he came off the line? Just get the ball to him and that was a TD. Leave T.O. alone and start picking on Bledsoe. Wow, did I just say that?

London Blog

I know I have been bad on the blogging tip. I need to sit down and get my proverbial sheet together. So, until I can start posting my old school witt, here is an awesome story by my man, C. Monks.

Tommy Lawless...

...once said, "A fetish ain't a fetish if you do it everyday." These are words to live by, but Cousin Larry, this is ridiculous.

Tommy Lawless...

...once said, "A fetish ain't a fetish if you do it everyday." I am sure those are words to live by, but, Cousin Larry, this is ridiculous.

Bung?

I am not sure what a 'bung probe' is, but it is going to rock more that soccer.

Rights and Wrongs

I think it it might be time for us, as a nation, to look ourselves. We have gotten too loose with our rights. I mean, think about it. Sure we have the right to free speech. But is it right to yell "FIRE!" at a crowded book burning?

Summer Days

Jesus, Mary and The Spook! Has it really been over two weeks since last I posted? I apologize I have been really busy, and by busy I mean lazy. Today marks the start of school and the non-equinoxal end of summer. I have to say this has been a pretty awesome summer. I deserve it. I do! Over the past five summers I have been shit on. In fact, one of these summer I believe I was literally shat on. (Damned two-storied outhouse!) This one was really fantastic. Let me list, because I am lazy, the ways this summer rocked:

1. Made a bunch of new and really great friends. I haven't done that since I moved to Chapel Hill in 1988 and rolled with my neighborhood crew, "The BMX Boys". I am sure if we ever hang outside the 'sphere you all will like them.
2. Found old friends. Thanks myspace.
3. I never went broke all summer long. I know money doesn't equal happiness, but it sure as shit helps.
4. Passed two summer session classes leaving me with only three classes until GRADUATION! WHAT! I am shaking at the thought of it. All my classes I was in today, I just kept thinking, "This is the last sylabus I will have to look at." Oh, and the party will be off the meat rack.
5. Visited places I have never even thought I'd go to. Chicago (the return of an old standard), Milwaukee (There is a whole other post on that one coming) Dover, NH, and Kennebunkport. All were pretty cool in there own way.
6. I won the Best Radio DJ in the Triangle by the readers of Independent Weekly. I have never been more excited in my life. I still can't believe it.

I am sure if the Yankees don't make the World Series again this year, this will be the best summer in recent memory.

How's your Tuesday, Matt?

Better now? Good.

Tipping, China

So after my kickball game the other night, "Free Action" went out for a drink. "Free Action" is my kickball team. We went to Sammy's in Mission Valley and got a couple of drinks. There were Bud Light girls giving out freebies so I got two from them, and I got two beers from our waitress. Then, it is bill time. I get mine, and it is $5.00. I usually pay in cash, but everyone else was going credit card crazy! I give the girl a $10 and expect 5 one-dollar bills when she gets back. What happens next is I get 3 one-dollar bills. Gigga what? She took it upon herself to take a tip out of my change.

I am an excellent tipper...now. If the service was good (it wasn't), then I tip well. If the waitress is dressed skanky (she was), the I tip well. She was looking at getting $4 on a $5 tab, intead she took what she wanted and got no more from Rochester. She played herself. I think the rest of the table would not have been so lenient on tipping. Why did she assume she had to take her cut before I could do so? I mean, your belly ring and pubic bone are popping out in front of my face, you switch the WSOP (the worst thing on TV) off to a baseball game, and I kept saying thank you and making eye contact with you when you came over to our table. Where, I ask, where does she get off doing that?

My Ratings System

At WKNC, we have no real way of knowing how many people are listening. What we do have is a web listeners counter. Last week, I hit my all time high of 118. Not so much this week, but still kind of cool to look at my peaks and valleys.

Annie & Truck!

I am pretty sure, this link means you owe me a beer!

The Break-Up

So, J-Mo broke up with his girlfriend of about a year two month ago. I don't know the circumstances, but I do know she took it kind of rough. She really kind of went crazy. It started with an e-mail sent to all the people she had addresses for:

FYI: J-M0 pulled the plug. He didn't even have the courage to tell
me in person. Just when you think you know someone.

This was just step one. Following that she started calling people. I am talking random people. She called his Mom. She called one of his female friends and accused her of causing the split. This female friend has a boyfriend of her own for roughly a year and J-Mo finds her a bit annoying from time to time. So, that was nuts. Then she called me one Sunday morning. As anyone who has hung-out with me on Saturdays would know, I don't do Sunday mornings. It was not a fun or productive phone conversation. And the worst part is it was the house phone. So, I couldn't even do the whole "cell phone breaking up" dealy. Truly horrible. She started text messaging friends and acting like she thought it was sent to someone else. Then, when that failed she satrted e-mailing J-Mo pictures of her with other dudes. Ladies, help me understand this one. Why would a guy who broke up with you care if you are out with another man? I would think they would encourage it. The most recent one was my personal favorite. (BTW J-Mo send the e-mails and photos to all his buddies and it kind of becomes a fun caption righting contest.)
The e-mail for this (image 8) simply said "Dr. McDreamy and I at the Blue Martini". Now, none of us watch "Grey's Anatomy", so the reference was lost on us. My sister had to clearify what the hell she was talking about. We are taking bets on how long it'll be until she send J-Mo a grainy green video ala Paris Hilton.

Good Morning!

For no reason at all, a man being eaten by a giant snake. Have a nice day!

Wordplay

I was at one of nine jobs of Saturday. It is one of those jobs that requires you to look at girls in the parking lot and follow it up with an uncomfortable comment. I had a great zinger. Two girls were walking into the hardware store. My co-worker wonder why they were not coming into our store. I said, "Yeah, forget the hardware store. They should come over here to the semi-hardware store."

Delicious.

Everyone is doing it...

...they let anyone on MySpace. ANYONE!

There's a New Hampshire now?

My sister is up in New Hampshire for a month long training session for her work. She decided to save a little money and moved into a creepy old boarding house for the month. I helped her get there. It has 15 rooms and two of them are occupied by Angel, a large lesbian, and Sylvia, a 50 year old "shut in". My sister sent me a message today talking about her experiences with her "housemates".

1. Have yet to see Sylvia out of her plaid bathroom.
2. Yesterday a freshly baked, home made cherry pie was cooling on the kitchen table, later that night, said pie pan was awaiting a scrub down in the sink. Contents still missing.
3. Four, yes FOUR, empty Lean Cuisine Meatloaf boxes were discarded in the kitchen trash.
4. Both the tiny showers don't have enough room for me to get the soap off of my rear end which constantly leaves me scratching my head in wonder as to HOW in the world my "robust" housemate cleans herself.
More notes from New Hampshire to follow.

Fun With J-Biz's Wife

It sounds dirtier than it really is. I call over to J-Biz's house yesterday because I wanted to remind him of the Sade cover band that is going to be at King's this Saturday. He had mentioned he wanted to go bowling, but I mean come on. Sade cover band! When do you ever hear about that. Well, J-Biz's old lady is trying to set me up with one of her acquaintances. She has a need to pair up everything. That's why they have two dogs, a salt AND pepper shaker and they sleep in twin beds like Rob & Laura Petrie. So this is the phone conversation that occurred:

• ROCHESTER: She got a big booty?
• J-BIZ'S WIFE: Um, sure.
• ROCHESTER: Yeah, I'll give her a call then.
• J-BIZ'S WIFE: Are you seeing someone?
• ROCHESTER: No.
• J-BIZ'S WIFE: John said you were seeing some girl a couple of weekends ago.
• ROCHESTER: What?
• J-BIZ'S WIFE: He said you were seeing some girl like two Saturdays ago.
• ROCHESTER: Oh! (laughs) No! No! I saw that girl on a Saturday night. I am not currently seeing her, consistently.
• J-BIZ'S WIFE: (laughs) Oh my!
• ROCHESTER: Indeed.
• J-BIZ'S WIFE: I see.
• ROCHESTER: I hope you do. For J-Biz's sake.