Remember this season...

Just try to think about those less fortunate than you this season. People like me. I don't have much. But I do have my family. And, I do have my friends. I have a midget friend, an albino friend and a friend who thinks Star Trek is real. When we go out on the town people call us "The Unfuckables". However, I think this guy has a spot in our clique.

Modern Era...

Mike Ditka couldn't win a game in the Modern Era is his life depended on it. Also, did anyone see the Bears game this weekend? They let a 36-year old fatass asthmatic run all over like a German over a Frenchman. How do bears suck that hard with all sharp teeth? Hmm, could this be why the Bears suck?

Tookie Monster

Am I the only person that thinks that Tookie looks like Ashford? I guess that should be looked like Ashford.

Sorry Mom!

So, Angry Fatty dropped this lil' gem about Brokeback Mountain. I am GLAAD (get it) he told me what that movies was really about. I thought for a minute when he was talkin' about a movies with the term "brokeback" in it, it was from his days of working in gay porn. Maybe I am a bit dumb, because I also, thought The Bear was another of B!'s earlier films.

Going all Rawls dog on a bitch...

You'll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You'll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else, no-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else

You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I'm not tryin' to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You are (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it's cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

You'll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You'll never see what you've found in me
You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through
Whoa, I don't wish you no bad luck, baby
But there's no ifs and buts or maybes

You're gonna, You're gonna miss (miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it gets real cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know, I know that you are gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Let me tell you that you're gonna miss my lovin'
Yes you will, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When I'm long gon
I know, I know, I know that you are gonna miss

The AIDS

Today is world's AIDS Day. I don't know what that means. I guess, we are all supposed to get AIDS today or something. I also like "AIDS Awareness Day". WTF is that supposed to mean? I am aware that AIDS be out there. Do I need to dedicate a whole day to that? Should I sit around my apartment and think "AIDS is out there" and deny myself food, water and toilet because they will cause me to depart from my being aware of AIDS? Well, while Bono and all the non-third world nation celebrate AIDS, I present this lil' nugget. Look at it. Now, if you are not laughing, then the government might want to impose "FUN Awareness Day".

Thanks for Nothing:

Thing I am thankful for:

• Miller High Life
• A bottle of George Dickel is still under $10
• Homeless people who have dogs
• the fact I will never own a cat, so I don't have to worry about them suffocating me in my sleep.
• Finally sneaking onto the Dean's List at age 26.
• White girls with black girls' asses (Whuddup, Truck)
• Carolina sucking through an entire basketball season
• The weather getting cold enough to make muther fuckers take off the flip-flops and put on some sneakers
• My (2-9-1) flag football team, BALCO Bartokomous.
• the fact I am gonna burn Tonsafun for at least three scores on the day after Thanksgiving flag football game.
• THE North Carolina State University football team underachieving, again.
• Tampa Bay Bucs being tied for 1st in the NFC South
• The safety in football
• Kelly Monaco
• My maroon adidas track pants
  
• Annie posting that picture of Matt riding a horse. I still laugh at that.
• Truck's boo's muscle
• The police report from when Truck gave her boo a black eye for not mixing her drink right when she came home from work. Who doesn't know the "Truck Special"? Champange and Ovaltine.
• Mine and AH!'s on going struggle with acceptance of our bodies.
  
• AH! is fatter than me.
  

Heisman Trophy Wife?

You wanna see what kind of ladies a Heisman Trophy winner is hitting? This is Matt Leinart's girl at USC. I wonder if after the sexing is done he throws up the Heisman pose. I also wonder if he has a bad sexing performance if he spends hours after hour watching film from his poor performance.

Postin' Up

My sweet Lord and savior Jesus, who will smight all my enemies and crush the international Zionist and Islamic movement, has it been a week since I last posted? Wow, time flies when you are typing 30 pages of projects and papers. I had totally forgotten how much school sucked when you take 15 hours and the professors are trying not to look like pushover and decide to dump bullshit on you and tell you it is chocolate. However, this time Thursday I will be flying to America's Wang, aka Florida, to go to the second happiest place on earth, Disneyworld. The first is Teaser's Palace over in Durham. And with all that excitement, I can tell you right now that this story did not pass me by. What the hell is wrong with bitches now a days? They be fingerbanging each other in bathroom stalls. And hot older women, who should be settling for underachieving redheads, are hooking up with 15 year olds! This is so wrong. So, if you get a chance to get into a fight with a 14 or 15 year old puck ass, DO IT! And when the police arrest you, just tell 'em he was skirting in on your squirrel!

Down with America!

So did anyone remember to vote? Neither did I. I mean, how many of these Goddamn elections are there? I wish we lived in Belarus so I wouldn't have to worry about this crap like every two years or something. I guess that is like thew one good thing about being under totalitarian rule.

Kickers?

If someone would've told me that a kicker would be making more than LaVar and Warren, combined. I would've jack-slapped them into the stone-age. But, it is true. LOOK!

Japanese people and J-Biz

One of J-Biz's other nicknames is The Polar Bear, because his hair is clear and he loves to fuck with Japanese people. Don't believe me? Check this good shit out.

Mis-labeled...

I think if anyone were looking for something else, they would be greatly disappointed by this site. Matt, I am just warning you.

Something for 3000

It is a well known fact that recent neuter, 3000, loves nothing more than to sit on his futon with his main woman and watch "America's Funniest Home Videos". I am more partial to "America's Home Snuff Videos", but that is just me. So, here is a lil' something for 3000.

WILMAAAAA!

I am sorry, Florida. But thanks in large part to Katrina and Rita, Wilma wudn't shit. They said the death toll is up to 10. I think 10 people would've died in Florida in one day anyhow. What is the median age down there? 79? No power for as much as 2 weeks? Wow, I wonder how the people who don't have any houses to run power to in Gulfport feel about that? So, be American, Florida, hike up you socks, light a candle and watch your high school football games in the afternoon, you ain't got it that bad.

Non-sex Toys

Remember when toys were actually fun?

So Wrong, Yet So Right

So, I was on Utter Wonder the other day and checking out his new Doodleday cartoon. Let me preface this with this, me and C. Monks do not have the same political ideology. We both just share a love of Star Jones. So, I was kind of just nodding my head in a very "sure-thing -sweetheart-my-body-my-choice" kind of fashion. Then, I get down to the comments. They are all similar to one another except for one. Did you spot it? Yeah, that's the one. I laughed at first and then looked around thinking, "Whoa, that was a bit offsides." I half-hoped it would be someone who hit his blog via mine (aka my loyal radio audience or daily blogging friends). And I wholely pray that it was not my Dad, doing his Pro-Life thang. You wanna know what I wanted to post until that dude (or dudette) ruined it for me?

• "I wanted an American Girls doll, too. But, my mommy had my brains sucked out with a vacuum cleaner, because she didn't wanna make her man wear a rubber. I never learned, is that the definition of 'IRONY'" ----->Baby Girl

That is offsides, too. However, at least it protect a woman's right to choose.

Me Chinese, Me Play Joke

I read this, and then I read my special imaginary newspaper, in my head. In it Rummy was quotes as saying, "I cannot understand a word these dudes are saying. And when I tried to tell them that they looked at me like I was speaking Chinese or something."

Did anyone know this?

Keira Knightley got down in The Jacket and a Brit remake of Dr. Zhivago. Not only that, she showed her dirty pillows in The Hole. Why am I just finding out about this? Why didn't she e-mail me when she did this? This is just like when Jonathan Taylor Thomas left Home Improvement and didn't even have the common courtesy to call me and tell me why. I mean, yes it might be a little weird that a 26 year old man is the founder of the JTT (that''s what real fans call him) Fan Club, but I made the effort of sending him the pictures of our retreat to the Hillsbrough Hog Days. Some of these Hollywood types need to recognize who is make them the hot shit that they are. On a side note, did anyone a short film called Tilt-A-Whirl? Well, JTT plays a character called "Customer #3" opposite none other that Justin Mutha Fvckin' Guarini! Keep your eyes out for this duo in my new movie, WTF: The End of Humanity!

Something for the ladies...

How to Get in Touch with Your Feminine Side:

1. Go to a comfortable place.
2. Disconnect from all distractions.
3. Turn off the lights.
4. Light a candle.
5. Find your feminine side.
6. Are you touching it?
7. Oh yeah, that's it. Keep on touching it.
8. That's nice.
9. Keeping on touching it, touch it like you know it.