MATT IS DUMB: FIRST BLOOD PT. 1...

Poor Matt. He is not as smart as he thinks he is. He could not make it to the bigs. There will be no Tournament of Champions for my little man. Before he can tell us why he really did not get on Jeopardy, let's do it the blogger way, make up lies with absolutely no evidence. Here are a list of reasons he couldn't cut the proverbial mustard:

1. He confessed that his knowledge in the "Potent Potables" catergory consisted of drinks made with High Life and/or rubbing alchohol. When informed there was no such drinks as the Milwuakee Mimosa or Kitty Dukakis-atini, he flew off the handle and slapped the test giver.
2. When given the "Football's Greatest" catergory, he kept giving his falg football stats. He was told those stats are now worthless, and then he flew off the handle and dry-humped the test giver.
3. He asked the test giver if he had to "go all Trebek" to get on the show. He then stated he won't "grow no faggy mustache" or "say a-boot". For no reason he flew off the handle and waved a nasty finger at the test giver.
4. He asked if the fact that he has had sex with a woman would keep him off the show. When he was told it would, he flew off the handle, yelling "Damned devil women! Always after my seed!" and gave a DDT to the test giver.
5. While other test takers showed up wearing Cosby Sweaters and ties, Matt showed up wearing his favorite William of Orange mesh tank top and wooden shows. They refused him entry to the test and told him to go stick his finger in a dyke. He then flew off the handle and shoved his finger into Tyne Daly.

All joking aside, way to make it that far, Matt. If you want you can borrow my Playstation game of Jeopardy and bone up for next year.